Dear reader,
First, I want to apologize for the pretty large gaps in postings here. My intention had been to post something weekly and to be steadfast in reminding you about your belonging. This has been my first attempt at blogging in my life, and I am learning a thing or two.
Gaps in connection can be hard. For survivors of interpersonal trauma, gaps in connection can sometimes feel devastating and even life threatening. Early caregivers may have alternated between periods of providing love and safety to periods of sudden, unpredictable anger, silent treatments, or physically disappearing. So, gaps in connection in adulthood sometimes bring up the same feelings of terror, betrayal, abandonment, and aloneness in the world that were so devastating in childhood.
Have you ever had the experience of believing that someone really cares about you when you are in the room with them, and then during the gaps between visits you truly feel that you are completely Alone with a capital A? This is a very common experience for survivors of complex trauma, and a good reason to exercise your belonging muscle even, and maybe especially, in the gaps!
This week's belonging reminder:
The thread of belonging is always there. When the people in your life are inconsistent, unpredictable, not healthy for you, or even just busy, you still belong in the world. Really knowing your belonging in the world will help you to ultimately walk toward healthier and healthier relationships and away from ones that are more harmful. I love this poem by William Stafford to help remember the thread of belonging that is always there even when we can't feel it. Thanks to someone in my neighborhood who made these colorful copies and put them in a little box outside their house for people to take.
This week's practice suggestion:
Paint or color your thread of belonging in the world. Use colors and shades of light and dark to portray not only your thread of belonging, but also all the things that may be obscuring it or making it hard to see or feel. As you are going about your day, tune into the colors, shapes, and textures of your thread. Use the pink thread in the image above as inspiration if you'd like. Don't worry if your thread is invisible for now. I promise, it is there. Don't give up on it.
Keep coming back.
Keep coming back.
Keep coming back.
You are loved.